it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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