Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
