that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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