you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
