They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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