hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
