There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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