and you said cock pushups were impossible
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
