I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize