she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
