i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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