sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
