Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
