I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
