one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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