hotel room ftw
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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