weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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