I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
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fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.