im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait