Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.