its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season