this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize