I bet he comes in French.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
