I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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