i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
