Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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