he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
