the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
