A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
