Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
