Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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