Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
