I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
