Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
