Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
