Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
