all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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