Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
