Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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