He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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