Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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