Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't think brook has ever known best
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
