you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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