Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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