I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
