I smell stomach acid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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