Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
