i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And then he peed in my hair
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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