why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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