I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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