Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we're so committed to being not committed
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