chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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