If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm both gender and math confused
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
