They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
