WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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