there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
