don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
