I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
