She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
