Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
