the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
that may or may not have been my penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
