He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize