Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
