I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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