You're so nebulous sometimes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
