Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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