Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
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she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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