im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
