Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
