im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
