Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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