So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
