i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
